i cried today for the first time in a long time.
the thing that no one tells you about love is that when you realize what you once had and get a glimpse of a second chance of that its hard to spend the days waiting for a possible future with that person to begin again. yes - this is about love.
i had someone once and totally screwed it up because i was full of fear. because no one had ever just loved me like that before. and now i am scared, even though all signs point to hope, that i will lose that chance again.
i had someone once and i miss him. dearly. and he is far far away and i only just saw his face two days ago for the first time in years. and i knew when i saw him that it was real. that what we lost might just have been put on a shelf and not completely forgotten.
i was at a bbq today with other families and seeing them with their kids made me so lonely. it made me so single feeling. this once my-kid-is-all-i-need mom is starting to want something more. and it is a certain someone that i miss. and it is a certain someone that i want. and i just cant wait for a chance to make it all right.. and if he isnt right and it isnt right to find that special someone that isnt in the past but in the future and dreaming of someone just like me right now.
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